What is the Gift?

By Gwen

Several months ago, my friend Nancy, who had been in a slump for years, came to visit.  I invited her to hear one of the top motivational speakers in the world.  During the lecture we were both quiet; I was busy taking notes. When we got into the car to go home, Nancy turned to me and said, “That guy is such a loser.“  Shocked, I asked her why she believed that.  She told me she thought he was full of it and that he had no idea what he was talking about.   He spoke too fast and looked like a nerd.  For the rest of the ride home Nancy pointed out everything she didn’t like about his man’s manner and message. When we arrived home I asked Nancy to come and sit down with me.  I asked her if she really believed this man was a loser. She looked at me with certainty in her eyes and said yes.  Taking out a sheet of paper, I asked if she’d be willing to look at this issue.  She thought about it for a moment and decided to play along.

On one side of the paper I wrote down all the things I knew about this man.  He has a successful business as a consultant for Fortune 500 companies.  he sells countless motivational tapes, and is paid over $5,000 a night to speak.  He has been married for more than 20 years and has three healthy children. 

On the other side of the page, I wrote down what I knew about Nancy’s life.  She was divorced with no children. She had little contact with most of the members of her family. She was unemployed and had been unsuccessful in starting her own business several times. She was overweight and out of shape, and sufferend from several ailments. She had debts of more than $50,000, and was currently living hand-to-mouth.  Nancy looked at my list. 

Now I said, “If I brought ten people in and showed them these lists who do you think they would call the loser?”

At first, Nancy drew back, horrified that I or anyone was calling her a loser.  This was her worst nightmare. But I explained that until she owned this aspect of herself she’d always project it onto other people.   Nancy would be unable to hear important, powerful messages from other people because she was projecting her denied thoughts onto them. After a couple of hours, Nancy began to see that deep within herself she believed she was the loser.   This thought was so painful to her that she buried it very deep.   Her father had told her she would never amount to anything and she had beleived him. Since her childhood she had been unconsciously creating situation after situation in her life to prove she was a loser in order to retrieve this aspect of herself which she had disowned.  It was always mirrored back to her in the external world but she would deny it, and the cycle would continue.  Once Nancy recognized her belief that she was a loser, then she could begin to look for the gift of this aspect and embrace it. Then Nancy would be able to examine how she’d set herself up to lose, and make a new commitment to honor the loser in herself and allow the winner in herself to create a life of abundance.  Nancy has since started a new career, and has been enjoying tremendous personal and financial success.

Debbie Ford

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers

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Pain is Passed Down from Generation to Generation, & if it’s Not Questioned, We’ll Never Break the Cycle.

By Gwen

If you want to see someone’s future, often all you have to do is look at their past.  The past leads us to conclude that all we can hope for in the future is a variation on what we arleady have.  This stops most people in their tracks.  It clouds their vision and lets their dreams slip away.  Look around and you’ll see that most people stay the same.  You could look at their lives now, and then again in 20 years, when you would see only a slight variation on the original theme.  Our core issues, whether they are based on sex, wealth, relationships, health, or career, often remain dominant throughout our lives.  Our past shapes what we say, what we see, and how we live.  Some of us are not only dragging our own past around, but those of our parents as well.  Pain is passed down from generation to generation, and if it’s not questioned, we’ll never break the cycle.

We begin to disown parts of ourselves because of our core [limiting] beliefs, which are always tied to our families and early childhood. What our parents did and didn’t do had great impact onour lives. Our caregivers and teachers also contributed to who we are now.   The pain you experienced when you were two, six, or eight is just beneath the surface of your consciousness.  Until it’s transformed, it’s always there driving your life.   Most of us never explore our core beliefs to see if we’ve consciously chosen them.   I meet people every week who want to be artists or write books, but they are sure they can’t fulfill their desires. When I ask them why, they tell me they’re not talented or educated enough.  They have confidence in their reasons, but not in their dreams.  And when we explore the origins of their beliefs, we learn that most often they’ve been told by someone they love, verbally or non-verbally, that they weren’t capable of fulfilling their dreams. Since they never questioned this idea, they’re trapped by it. They never even try to attain their heart’s desire.

Debbie Ford

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers

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What are some of your limiting beliefs, where did they come from and what dreams are they needlessly keeping you from living?   Coming soon… FREE e-booklet “What are Limiting Beliefs & How are they Keeping You from Living Your Life Purpose?“ 

Gwen

With the Sting comes Healing

By Gwen

Years ago I had an experience when I had to have some acupuncture treatments. Early in the treatment series, my tendency was to flinch, to pull away from the anticipated pain of the needle.  Indeed, my anticipation of the pain was worse than the pain itself, and it also made the pain more severe.  Because I, in fear, tightened my muscles, I made it harder for the needle to penetrate the sore spot.  My Asian doctor would tell me, “Let it go.  Move toward the pain. Don’t resist the needle.“   I came to see that the needle was a perfect metaphor for the problem situations of life.  As I went toward the needle, teaching each muscle to welcome it, I also learned to invite the costs of my choice — in this case, a little sting.  With the sting came healing.  By accepting the consequences of our choices, by facing our opponent, our pain, our difficulty, we incrase our self-esteem and self-respect.

We do have to pay for our choices. Some of our choices bring a deep and more prolonged sting than that of a mere needle: sacrifices, deprivation or troublesome situations, ongoing self-discipline, risks.  The sooner we “go toward the sting, “the sooner we are able to get on with the demands and greater challenges of our lives which the consequences of our acts deliver.  In moving courageously toward the results we want, we transcend many of society’s limiting “shoulds” — simultaneously liberating ourselves for the life and the work we really want.

Marsha Sinetar

Do What You Love: The $ Will Follow

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Reading this section of Do What You Love: The Money Will Follow reminds me of one of the tools I use in my coaching about beach balls.  What happens when you try to hold a beach ball under the water?  It continues to try to pop back up.  Psychologically, beach balls represent emotional issues, things that have happened in our lives that have hurt us, things that were so painful we never want to experience them again – just like the sting of the accupuncture needle — you instinctively want to pull away and avoid it!    However, the sooner we “ go toward the sting,” the sooner we are able to pop the emotional beach ball and liberate ourselves to experience the life and the work we really want.

Gwen

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

By Gwen

Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book The Four Agreements that “the first agreement is the most important one and also the most difficult one to honor. It is so important that with just this first agreement you will be able to transcend to the level of existence I call heaven on earth. The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. It sounds very simple, but it is very, very powerful.”  Being impeccable with our word. This is big.

First, let’s look at how Ruiz defines the word impeccability: ”

So when we’re impeccable, we don’t use our word against ourselves indulging in guilt or shame. We also don’t use our word against others in blaming, criticizing or gossiping. We also honor our commitments and only make commitments we intend to follow through on.

Brilliant.

How’re you doing on those fronts?

Impeccability means ‘without sin.’ Impeccable comes from the Latin pecatus, which means ‘sin.’ The im in impeccable means ‘without,’ so impeccable means ‘without sin.’ Religions talk about sin and sinners, but let’s understand what it really means to sin. A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.

“The Diamond Cutter (see Notes), Geshe Michael Roach talks about the fact that in Tibet they don’t even have a word for “guilt.” As he says: “There’s no word in Tibetan for ‘guilty.’ The closest thing is ‘intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.’”

Geshe Roach also describes blame/criticism/complaining/etc. as “useless talk.” It depletes us of energy and wires our brains in ways we don’t wanna be wired. So, uh, let’s get impeccable with our word and stop all blame and criticism—of ourselves and others; and, while we’re at it, let’s get rid of all the complaining and gossip as well!

Now, let’s address being impeccable with our word as it relates to commitments.

Do you honor your commitments? When you say you’re going to do something, do you *really* intend to follow through and then DO you? Or, do you kinda say “Yes” to every request because you think you need to and you figure you can always flake later? We’ve all said “Yes” too often when a polite “No” would’ve been more appropriate but let’s practice honoring our word and the commitments we make, shall we?!

Brian Johnson

Philosophers Notes

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I had to read this over several times, especially the part about  “A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.”  I read the book a few years ago and I somehow completely missed that part of the message!   WHEW!  Just imagine, if we ONLY followed this ONE agreement. This seems to match beautifully with dharma, life purpose, and being authentic.  Imagine how much our lives could change for the better! 

Gwen

Thoughts on Affirmations

By Gwen

I’d like  to share some thoughts about affirmations, and the ”pulling power” of affirmations. 

Affirmations must “pull” to be effective. A dull affirmation is like a dull ad — you just skip over it, don’t attend to it, and it has negligible impact. In fact, an affirmation IS a sort of ad, made up by you for yourself as consumer.  The person who must be sold is YOU — you’ve got to buy into the goal you are trying to bring about.

This concept has led me to try to make the language of an affirmation (or “Choice” , the form in which I usually cast them) as colorful, appealing and attention-getting as it can possibly be. This has worked beautifully for many people. Here’s how I go about it.

Wherever possible, if it doesn’t rob the affirmation of its basic punch which sometimes comes from using a few short, strong words sparingly, I add a carefully selected adjective or adjectives to make the affirmation as appealing as possible. I want it to draw the person like a magnet toward the goal they seek. The repeating of the affirmation should be a source of so much pleasure that the person wants to keep saying it over and over simply because it’s so enjoyable to do so.

 Here’s what I mean:

Suppose someone wants to be more effective in communicating with a family member who tends to find it difficult to pay attention to what this person says. An appropriate affirmation might be:

“I communicate in a way that gets my points across to X.”

This in itself might be a very effective affirmation and no change might be needed.  However, a more “pulling” version might be:

” I find a creative way to get my points across to X.”

(The word “creative” adds a touch of suspense here — what, we may wonder, would a “creative way” to do that be? )

 And we might add another kind of appeal by saying:

“I surprise myself by finding ingenious ways to get my points across to X.”

(“Surprise” is a word that can draw us to an affirmation. “Ingenious” piques our curiosity and is intriguingly positive).

 To take another tack, we might make the affirmation “pull” by stating it this way:

“I find it easy and enjoyable to get my points across to X.”

The word “easy” is a great way to make an affirmation effective because we tend to make everything we do much harder for ourselves than it need be — a kind of grim task — but  when it becomes easier, then we DO that task. (I’m making it easy for myself to write these comments right now by using this “easy” affirmation — it feels great! )

Along these lines, one of the most useful All-Purpose affirmations I know was suggested to me some years ago by a friend of mine who told a colleague who was anxious about grasping the principles of a course they were both taking, to

“Let it be easy John”

and it worked like a charm. John relaxed and enjoyed taking the course from that point on.

This is the all-purpose affirmation about ease:

Stated as a command:

 ”Let it be easy.” 

 or “I let it be easy.”,

or stated as a Choice: “I choose to let it be easy.”

This affirmation can be applied to almost anything to make our lives more livable and fun. I use it all the time and it has radically changed the way I go about a lot of things — in fact, right now I’ve just decided that I should use it MORE in my daily life.

Another word than can add a strong appeal to an affirmation is the word “fun” — as in:

“I find it FUN to exercise on my treadmill.”

or “I find it FUN to think up new ideas for the project.”

We love anything that’s fun. It draws us irresistibly.

Other ways to add “sex appeal” to an affirmation is to use adjectives such as:

• comfortable

• delightful

• ingenious

• creative

• safe etc.

• or others — to describe the behavior or outcome we seek.

Once you get the hang of spicing up affirmations you’ll be inventing endless ways of making your desired goal draw you irresistibly to it. When you do that, half the battle is won.

Pat Carrington, EFT Master

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Affirmations can be VERY powerful if you can get past the “ya, buts…” that often linger afterwards in your self talk, your subconscious mind.  ”Ya, I want to be a successful entrapreneur … but…it’s so much work and I’m not smart enough.”   Take advantage of your FREE 30 minute consultation and contact me at gwen@discoveryourdharma.com   Let’s talk about how you can get the “ya buts” out of your way.

Gwen

We Have the Right to “Pursue” Happiness or “PRACTICE” It?

By Gwen

Aha! So we don’t have the right to “pursue” happiness. We have the right to PRACTICE it. I love that.

Marci Shimoff says, “People with high happiness set-points are human just like the rest of us. They don’t have special powers, an extra heart, or X-ray vision. They just have different habits. It’s that simple. Psychologists say that at least 90 percent of all behavior is habitual. So, to become happier, you need to look at your habits.”

Aristotle taught us the same thing. He said,  “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

How about this from Maxwell Maltz’ great book Psych0-Cybernetics, “Our self-image and our habits tend to go together. Change one and you will automatically change the other. The word ‘habit’ originally meant a garment or clothing… Our habits are literally garments worn by our personalities. They are not accidental, or happenstance. We have them because they fit us. They are consistent with our self-image and our entire personality pattern. When we consciously and deliberately develop new and better habits, our self-image tends to outgrow the old habits and grow into the new pattern.”

So, how’s your “PRACTICE” of Happiness?

Brian Johnson

Philosophers Notes

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Changing our beliefs ….It’s also called reprogramming your neural pathways in your subconscious mind.   Since our subconscious mind is in charge of our heart beating, our cells dividing, our liver filtering without us having to put those things on our daily to do lists, thank goodness!  Mine is full as it is!   However, when we are able to reprogram our limiting beliefs, our subconscious mind does the work for us…automatically.  (Check out my FREE Report “What is a Limiting Belief & How is it Preventing You from Living Your Life Purpose?)

Gwen

How old are you?

By Gwen

Dharma & Purpose: 3 powerful dynamics

By Gwen

There is an old Indian Sanskrit term, “Dharma”, which means, “one’s calling” or “one’s purpose”. When you are in Dharma, and therefore, living your life purpose, three powerful dynamics occur.

First, there is a sense of happiness, bliss, and fulfillment. You are exactly what your physical, emotional, and spiritual DNA has programmed you to be. It is much like a pair of perfectly fitted shoes: they only fit you perfectly and it is heavenly when you wear them. You smile, giggle, and laugh more in Dharma, and you worry less as well. So ask yourself:

What is it that I do (or have done) that brings me the most bliss and pleasure?

Second, when you are in Dharma you will extend yourself for the good of humankind. Life purpose gives life more purpose…all of life. When you live on purpose you have an infinite amount of talent and energy that has a positive effect on all those that you touch. Ask yourself another question:

What service have I done for others that

has brought them and myself joy and happiness?

Third, you find yourself blissfully submerged in your purpose. Time flies by and you are in a constant process of discovering the deeper elements of your Dharma. You do not have to commit because you are living commitment. Your being and your doing are in perfect alignment with each other. Last question to ask yourself:

What is it that I do, or have done, that I

loose all track of time in, & yet could do it forever?

Some people are never asked to discover their life purpose so they go through life with little direction or fulfillment, and end up living an unfulfilled life, often full of fear and dependency.

Want more? Take some time to think about this, as well as doing some “experimenting”. Take notes on yourself and share them with your coach and those in your support system. See what you come up with.

You deserve the peace, passion, and purpose that you’ve been looking for!!

~Ken Donaldson

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Dharma is one of my all time favorite words.  And even better than the word itself is the feeling it brings when you know you are living yours.   It took me  25 years of active soul searching to finally find mine and now that I’ve found it I recognize it was there all along, I just wasn’t able to see it!  It’s like a comfortable pair of jeans, it feels sooo right!  However, we spend so much time in the search that we aren’t even able to see it when it shows itself to us.   We all have blind spots, those times when our conscious and subconscious minds aren’t communicating.  Those times when we think, “Oh, that’s way too easy and fun to be important.  EVERYONE can do that!  It’s no big deal.   I can’t earn a living doing THAT!”  But, that is exactly what you will be the most successful, productive and happy doing!   I’m finding that with each boomer woman I work with I’m better able to discover and ”see” their dharma and help them to see it too!   If you are tired of living someone else’s life and you’re ready to discover YOUR own dharma, please send me an email gwen@discoveryourdharma.com and let’s have a FREE 30 minute conversation — NO OBLLIGATIONS — to see if I can help you!    I’m excited for you to get started living your life purpose!

Gwen

Wed 3/10

By Gwen

Tues 3/9

By Gwen